Life these past few weeks have been tough for me, I get scared quickly and it seems I tend to almost give up when I think there is no way out.
When I have a test or an exam or even when a new topic is taught in class, I become afraid and it keeps going through my mind that I will not pass the exam or I will never understand this new topic. Nowadays I tend to cry at every little thing.
I was not like this before, I don’t like what I think I am becoming now: a quitter.
Before I always had faith in You that no matter the situation, I will turn out ok. Now even when I pray to You and proclaim that everything will be fine with me, my heart still aches out of fear that it will never be ok.
What is the reason behind this? Am I becoming a weak Christian? Is my spirit beginning to have less will-power? Or is my body beginning to take over me?
Even as I write this letter, I have a big lump in my throat because I am on the verge of tears. I am a strong person on the outside but on the inside; I see myself as a very fearful person now.
I can’t take it anymore Lord, rebuke me, smack me back to normal if You have to but please help me get away from this shell of outrageous fear. I believe in You Lord, but I don’t believe I am showing it. Come to my aid Father, take me out of this grey world I’m in and lead me into Your light. I have a lot of desires on my heart, answer them as you see fit Lord; You alone know the ones I need the most.
I trust You Lord, I love You and I know You love me more. I am not worthy yet you still care for me and are always faithful. I love You from the bottom of my heart, this letter comes from the same place too.
Sincerely,
Martha.
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